What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

One question (not that one☝️) that can transform your leadership and your team’s performance.

You are afraid of something.

I know you are because everyone is afraid of something.

And it is this fear that stops us from taking action. From taking that very first step. The first step that starts a journey of a thousand miles. Or that ends right there in a glorious stumble. Either way, it is the fear that is stopping our own growth.

Meta has posters hanging on the walls.

The posters are everywhere. They say things like "Code Wins Arguments" and "Move Fast and Break Things." My favorite however was always "What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?"

"What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?"

I would think about this question often as I walked down the halls of Meta's Seattle offices. Perhaps to Meta's detriment, it helped me take a huge leap and leave. Not just Meta, but everything. We sold 99% of everything we owned, bought a van, and spent a year in nature.

The question itself is just that powerful. But as an engineering leader, it still not powerful enough.

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I was nearing 40 the first time I went into a powerlifting gym.

Years of sitting in front a computer were taking their toll and I decided it was time to take action. Even though I loved running, I knew that there was still something missing. And that fixing it would be harder every year that I waited.

And so I found myself learning how to move heavy metal objects down and then back up. Or the other way around.

There is something deeply terrifying about putting something heavy on your back and then squatting down.

*What if I can't make it back up?*

*What if I drop the weight and break something?*

It took me years to realize what this fear was doing.

Because I was afraid, I didn't let myself permission to really push myself.

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To be the best engineering leader you can be, you have to make your engineers the best version of themselves.

And here’s the hard truth: your team is afraid.

Each of them, every single unique and beautiful human, is afraid.

Some are afraid of missing a deadline and getting a low rating. Even though you know that, in the grand scheme of things, that deadline is not really that important.

Or maybe they are terrified of losing their job and therefore their work visa, thus uprooting their entire family. Again.

Others are worried about how their peers will perceive them if they make a very public mistake. Like breaking down production because they didn't consider another edge case.

All of them are afraid of something. All of them are afraid of something else.

And so the question "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" is useful, but not useful enough. It will help your team see the reality that they are missing out on. Everything that they aren't getting, because they are afraid.

But they are still afraid.

And they are still missing out.

Your job as their leader is to help them take action, despite the fear.

You have to ask them this question:

"How do I make you less afraid?"

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Somewhere along my powerlifting journey, I learned how to fail safely.

I put some weight on my back, went down into a squat, and just couldn't get back up.

And I was okay.

Failure was no longer scary.

And that's when the magic really started.

That's when I gave myself permission to give it my all.

And that's what you need to give to your team. You need to make failure safe. You need to reduce the fear so that they each can overcome their own fears.

And once that safety is there?

That’s when you turn up the intensity.

That’s when you show them how far they can really go.

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So what do you do?

You normalize failure.

You talk about failure.

Instead of making it a taboo topic, you relentlessly bring it into every discussion.

Here is what you should do, right now:

• Set aside time each week to review and document all of the mistakes that you made.

• Identify what you learned from them and what you are changing in how you operate.

• Then, figure out how you will share your failures with your team. In the team meetings, in 1:1s, in a weekly email. Have a bias for over-communicating.

• In your communicate, focus on the growth and learning, instead of the failure. Make failure an integral part of the story, but make the growth the hero.

And here is what you should do in your next 1:1:

• Talk about failure. What does failure in their work actually look like.

• What are they afraid will happen? What is holding them back?

• How, exactly, will you identify failure, so that that project itself can still succeed?

• When and how will you step in if they fail?

Talk about failure.

Normalize talking about failure.

Make it safer to fail.

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So, two questions for you:

1. What would you do if you weren't afraid?

2. What can you do to make yourself less afraid?